You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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