What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
