So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
