Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
