My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
