No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
