Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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