Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
