and you said cock pushups were impossible
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize