Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize