he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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