It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My balls are so social today.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
