Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
