we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
