Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
