my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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