shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize