Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
