I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
