He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
