maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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