We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she told me i tasted like america
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize