Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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