I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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