O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
