my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize