I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
