I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
