I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
