you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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