Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
