just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
