What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
