physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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