we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
