I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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