do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize