Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
