Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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