Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
