If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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