Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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