I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
