We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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