My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
