i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
