You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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