My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize