I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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