I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
