I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
