nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
