i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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