Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
