you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
