he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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