At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I faked an abortion last night.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
