Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
