the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
