carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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