can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
