I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
