absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
