I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
