He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize