you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
