i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He kissed a someone with a penis
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
