We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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